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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
imhynotic's LiveJournal:
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| Tuesday, June 19th, 2007 | | 9:44 am |
deadly sins | Your Deadly Sins |  Greed: 60%
Envy: 40%
Gluttony: 20%
Pride: 20%
Sloth: 20%
Lust: 0%
Wrath: 0%
Chance You'll Go to Hell: 23%
You'll die in a castle, surrounded by servants. | | | Saturday, November 11th, 2006 | | 12:34 am |
damn sun
i begged the sun not to rise but it did anyway you rose and left leaving me alone in my bed taping my eyes shut as if to deny the sun the satisifaction of rising and setting this night on the shelf just another memory of another wasted opportunity | | 12:11 am |
10 months later
its been awhile huh seem to start all of these things this way i thinkt hats why i prefer the myspace bloggy thing bc there is no pressure to update it every day maybe i should maybe not just clutter endless ramblings ANYWAY this is what i wrote on the drive home yesterday havent been writing much-total sidenote she left without saying goodbye i dont know why she said she has to take care of herself she says take care of yourself when peopel say "take care" they dont care did she ever care she left without saying oodbye she left without me she left me i WONDER WHAT HAPPENED?!!!! couldnt be more overt... then again most of my shit writing is i am really down on myself lately... very stuck very uncomfortable in my comfortability i have realized i love someone... wouldnt be a shock to anyone who know sme... anyway been talking to maliabeth a lot lately few phone calls from her a day bunch of texts talking about everything its interesting that nothing has changed in the way we talk... if there is a pause. ts okay we both just sit and let the other think no NOISE... i have noise in my head right now a knoos eon my heart she certainly does interesting that 2, or 3 years since our last kiss... i can still taste her feel her in my arms i have been frustrated with my painting with my writing with my life i want to be emotionally celibate and i want to live in guam and paint or move somewhere no one speaks my language no one knows my name no one knows where people know pain not heartbreak heartache where people care about each other where people can ignore me where i can ignore everything and not have to worry someone is worried i turned my phoen off for just 2 hrs yesterday and when i turned it on everyone left messages as if i had died i bring it on myself lets move to guam just you and i where no one knows our names no one knows our pains we can just sit and be together we can talk and paint and laugh and hold each other and talk about changing the world and not do anything about it maybe that will make me feel better the drugs dont work on me anymore i'm anxious bc i'm not i'm angry bc i'm not i'm depressed bc i'm not i should be fucking suicidal at my life right now wasting away I'm a piss away from my grave you may as well mail me a postcard saying yuo die december 27th 2074 around noon and i would say ok maybe i can go visit my future plot maybe even put up a headstone i feel liek tis all just a big fucking line to get there a big charade i need to paint and write it out figure it out get out of this place in my life in my head get aheadstart on my 30's at 24 | | Thursday, February 23rd, 2006 | | 8:07 pm |
i think it's time for a lengthy entry... but i dont have time work: in the works was asked to co-produce a feature film ...interesting plot... i dont know if it will be "great"... but good enough... and it will pay me high 5, low 6 figures for 6 motnhjs of work... lts see if it actually gets off the ground... bc ya know how these things work had completed the story for a music video for still standing for the song "guardian devil" and were about to start pre-production, when they decided they wanted to re-record the song with a new producer... thereby changing the entire mood and direction f the song... which will in turn change the entire video.... so we have halted all work on the video until the new version is complete... still working on starting a new theatre company... going to do things a little differently this time... i already have 5 investors... who wnat nothing to ddo with the company.... so far i have raised around 15K..... but it looks like that could balloon much much higher if we do the show one of the investors wwants to do.... so patience is key here... everyone is excited about it... just have to be patient... and methodical... two things that are defeinitely defecincies.... oh well... love life: it seems i have a different girl in my bed every night... almost literally... when i go out... one ends up in there... so yeah... having fun.... but a special one was in it on friday and... nothing happened... just kind of laid there and in the mornign we ate sushi in bed and held each other... it was nice... reminded me how nice it is to have a girlfriend... but i can't not cheat./.. so there's that... just wanna state it in here... sonnys gf "THAT BITCH YELLOW SEQUOIA" is awesome../. we hang out...a nd she come sout with us... I'm happy my brother is dating a fun, intelligent grounded girl... who int insane... sidenopte:" girl who slpet over: seqouias best friend.... so that makes sense she so cool done writing back to work | | Monday, January 9th, 2006 | | 1:21 pm |
little update
kinda met a girl. thats the short story... been hanging out lately talking a lo its funny how I never wwant a girlfriend...yel always seem too.. even if they are short lived all though this one is laid back... and fun. and everything that must be on a girls resume for me to even consider exclusiveness... lets see smart funny laid back open minded beautiful cute sexy FUN a wicked sense of humor confident ambitious social loves movies tv music art paints sings acts laughs smiles not all of my ex's have half of these.... some had more than others but this girl has got it all.. interesting stuff and we have fun togethere... and its all reciprocated... good stuff so I'm a happy camper not camping. but its a saying i had horrioble dreams last night i was at a basketball game with aron and sonny and there was a fight courtside during the game...like two fans.... and they were both huge guys.... and one guy finally pulled out a gun and shot the guy in his forehead...then i looked away.... or blinked and he was wearing a futuristic soldiers suit.... with big mask and helmet and he was an alien...and he took the arena hostage and he executed ppl rt in front of us..including sonny... it was so real and so scary and if that wasnt enough sonny and i murdered (well he did) an old lady and i helped him cover it up...then evaded the cops.... then i watched the aforementioned girl get raped inf ront of me people wonder why i dont sleep so heres the funnny part of this story i researched all these dreams today...they were all really long and all really detrailed..anmd i remember them very well... so i start looking up like alien... and murder...and rape... and hostage they were all like "you're gay" i was laughing so hard then i did the rest and they rtold me i wasnt gasy...so thank god...cause i was worried,...hey i know i love women... and couldnt fathom plowing, being plowed or even dating a guy.... and then luckily i'm not gay.. phew | | Sunday, December 25th, 2005 | | 10:48 am |
life is so good, i can taste it in my fucking spit | | Wednesday, December 21st, 2005 | | 2:07 pm |
3 weeks celibate doubters
so a few cool things.... around christmas i find it always helps me spend MORE money on friends if i soend money on myself around the hoolidays as well so this year i bought a laptop...g4 ipod ...60gb video tv 30 in for my room new dvdplayer tivo for my room and a scorpian vaccum... its a hnadheld... or as they say..."they power of an upright in your hands" to pick up kitty litter,,,because my cat...pollock... is fucking insaner... the cat is adhd... he's also a bobcat... so he's so wild... pun intended i am loving being single just wanted to throw that out there.. i alaso wanted to update on my last entry... i ended it by saying maybe i'll just be celibate for a while and there were a few comments...or doubts... or both i thought about it... and i realized that a lot of the shitty things I've done in my life revoolve aroound sex... let me clarify sleeping with girls when i know they have a boyfriend, are engaged, or even marrried... it doesnt even weeigh into mjy decision... and thats horrible of me.. granted it iasa their choice too... and i know its wrong... i just cant help it 2. i talked with my brother about this and asked him how many girls he had sleopt with that he wasnt attracted too.... not girlss who arent attractive.... but girls who he just didnt have a physical connection with from his end.... and i wont tell you his answer numerically just to say that he and i both have done this a ridiculous amount of times... which to me makes no sense.... why would i sleep with a girl i am not attracted to? why would i even kiss her? is it because i enjoy sex that much? or is it because i lack self control....? and i came to the conclusion that whiile i do love sex... its a alack of self control... i lack self control now granted I'm a 23 yr old guy... i love women, and everything that makes them do they crazy shit they do... i love everything about women... even the little peccadilllos that drive me crazy. i enjoy finding out about... so i am now almost 3 weeks celibate. i plan on going as long as i can... althoough it is gettiing increasingly diffcult because i have a crush or two going on... i started it by staying home and avouiuding women... but i remembered my own words "its easy to be virtuous when u are hiding in a cave.. true virtuie is abstianing at a bachelor party in vegas." so i put myself back in the gauntlet and its been very hard. no kissing. touching sexing... haha.... but i am doin it... well not doing it... u know what i mean.... anyway i feel like i am learning aa lot about myself... i eat more... thats a byproduct of no women... weird huh? weird how we substitute things for others.... so strange... well i am learning self control (sorry leigh) until i collapse max | | Monday, November 21st, 2005 | | 2:53 pm |
i'm back
so kind of a lot has happened since my last entry I started dating jessica... fell deeply in love with her... watched her fall deeply in love with me... felt myse;lf falling out of love with her... and then tried to get it back . and came to the conclusion it couldnt be done.. so i broke it off i truly did love her. i dont know what happened just to say .. i wasnt and am still not in love with her.. i am defective... in some way... that girl adores me.. she loved me, carted about me.. would do anything for me.. she had never been in lovebefore... never opened herself up... i convinced her to be open... and then i destroyed it... while yes, i am in the perios where i am only focuing on the good things we had... i remember all of them but i still reember why i broke up with her the constant phoen calls... text messages... i am just at a point in my life where i dont want to sacrifice my wants or needs for somebody else on a daily basis... i wanna watch the lkaer game every chance i get... and noit get shit for it... i want to hang out with who i want to hang out with... because i want to, not because i have to, or will get shit for it. i want to be selfish right now.. and focus on my life... my career... my art... my passions... but here are the top 5 reasons why jess and i would have never worked (long term) 1. she didnt like art. or "doesn't get it" 2. she didnt laugh at my jokes 3. she didnt make me laugh 4. she is a republican 5. she talked down to me its been a couple weeks.. and I'm enjoying being alone i almost wantt po be celibate for a month or two really just spend time with me | | Wednesday, September 14th, 2005 | | 10:25 am |
hello
ao the power went out sept 11th yesterday non specific threat against L.A. today... and the power goes out because of human error the world is full of coincidences... if this happened in a amovie it would seem very contrived... but only in literature and film deos coincidence seem contrived.. i guess because it is so i miss my gf... and its been a day... and both of us are really busy mon-fri.... so we can only spend weekends together... which we do... but this whole going 5 days without her thing... kinda sucks....and even now in early september i can't help but think, one day i will have to go months without her... we would have to revert back to how e were when she was in new york... and that was hard then... i can't imagine what it will be like now... and it's hard for me not think about it... wonder if we will stay together, or make it if we do... or how i'll deal if we break it off.... she's been my best friend for two years... we've talked almost everyday.... i just have to not think about it... and bask in our time now... live in the moment... and enjoy every second we are together... and not let my head get in the way of my heart.... so i will have to just keep breathing and keep loving her... it's so hard knowing that one day, one day soon, she might be gone.... m | | Monday, September 12th, 2005 | | 7:38 pm |
so as most of u know, i spend a lot of my day driving around so most of my frsutration is going to be directed at them, the other part, well we'll see I'm making this up as i go.... 1st group: people who don't pull forward when making a left turn . now some of you don't know this... but you are supposed to pull forward when turning left so the people BEHIND you can also turn left if there isn't a break in traffic before the light turns RED!!! if u are one of these drivers STOP doing this... u cause the peerson, or persons behind you to wait through another cycle of lights just because you don't know what the fuck you're doing when turning left... Now i will grant leniancy to people who don't live in the city, because most suburbs don't have traffic and have their own signals... but now you know, and have been warned.... this is the only group of drivers that i want to shoot! this is why i don't carry a gun. 2nd group: when turning left... there's a break in traffic, so you proceed to turn... then all of a sudden. the person who was going 35 decides to accelarate to 55 to , my guess is, hit you. WHY WOULD SOMEONE DO THIS?!! maybe it happens to me more often bc i have a "target car" (you know, a nice one with insurance) or maybe it's just bc i drive more than the avregae person... either way, sdon't be an asshole and speed up... it's not needed... and quite rude... 3rd group: the so and so told me to give u hug people... don't give me a hug from someone else... i don't want it... tell me they told you to... but don't give it to me... bc sometimes (believe it or not) i may not want to hug YOU... i may be used to hugging the pther person and then they tell you thinking it's cool bc u two are also on the hug level... but we may not be... so don't do it... it's lame. and not even close to the same thing. in other words... thanks but no thanks 4th group: the "hey whats up ?(i treally have nothing to say) people" if you aren't my girlfriend (who doesn't even do this BY THE WAY) ... or one of my best friends (who rarely do it either)... calling and saying "hey" is not reason to call.... if we are hanging out, or u wanna see what's going on....or how i am, or to TALK, fine... but don't call say hi, then not tell me why u called..... sitting on the phone is what i do when i am in line at the DMV, not at 2pm on a tuesday at work... if u have a reason to call .... call... if not...... call someone else 5th group old people ... no reason... but i think they are being phased out anyway... natural selection i hear ... just kidding.. old people are cool 6th group children grow up already 7th group close minded people if u don't have an open mind, why are we even friends? why are you still alive? because when u think about it, if you aren't open to anything new, then u aren't willing to change... so u are right now the same as when u are going to be when you die, so spare us all and just die now.. maybe ? please? 8th group cool guy in a miata or z3 if you're driving either of these cars... i don't care if you're married with 5 kids. you're gay..... even when gay guys see u driving in those cars they say "fag!" 9th group the chrysler 300s i understand u couldn't afford the bentley phantom... it's okay.. i can't either.. most people can't... but why do i have to do a double take bc i think ur driving one... and stop putting dubs on them... just leave em be... u couldsn't afford it... i get it... so don't buy a fake one... final group everyone in middle america... because they seem to dictate everything in this country... politics, policy, music, movies, religion... its scary these people live in small towns or small cities and they run our country... we have hillary duff at #1 on billboard because of the midwest... we have films like XXX and stealth being made because of the midwest... they have no idea what it's liek to live next to someone who is shhhh... don't tell em we do.... african american... or even worse... gay, chinese or jewish... these people are out of touvh with the people who push this country forward... all us crazy city dwellers who just don't understand what life is really about... well I'll ya what, I lived there and traveled all over the midwest... it sucks. you can keep it... have ur own country and stop dictating what i have to listen to on my radio, watch in my theatres, and vote for, or more likely, against!!!! ok I'm done venting... let the bitching begin m | | Sunday, September 11th, 2005 | | 9:38 pm |
jess
another amazing weekend... doing nothing.. but everything... keith asked me the other day if i thought jessica was the one? or just the one to pass the time? i dont remember what i said... but i have been thinking about it alot... and i think that she is one of my best friends... now i know that seems way too fast and you think those are my emotions talking... but she and i were friends when she left for new york... and when she moved , as most of you know, we began talking a lot on the phone... spending hoursd talking about nothing, and everything... exhcanging opinions and feelings, and beliefs and just listening to one another... and we built quite a foundation.... right now in say week three of a relationship, u are just getting to know a person... u are starting to see that other side of a person that wasn't shown when u dated for however long before u were exclusibe with them... but we have been friends for a almost two years we have seen and heard the other side we know almost all of each others annoying habits and tendencies.. we know what we don't like about the other person and the good completely outweighs the bad... its as if i am hanging with my best friend... i really mean that.. and I've honesatly never felt the way I do... not to say i love her more, or care for her more... or am more attracted.. because heres' the coolest part it's not about more's or comparisons.. for the first time in my life... I'm not measuring... I'm not thinking about how to impress her? or how to make her love me more ? or stay with me? I'm just me. I'm so at ease... she makes me a better person i barely smoke I EAT I SLEEP i smile do i think she's the one? the one meaning marry have kids with... I'm 23. I'm just starting my career. could i? could we? right now it looks that way.. but things change. is she one to pass the time? absoutely not. she's so much more. | | Wednesday, September 7th, 2005 | | 10:21 pm |
for u
i've been running tripping trying and missing everything about you i can't stop what you started and can't drop everything for you i breathe and choke and cry and smoke tears for you and i can't be with you it all ended when i saw you that replaceable day it all collapsed onto everything you had to say i leaned into it i fiend lonliness so i rid myself for you | | Tuesday, September 6th, 2005 | | 4:59 pm |
update
so my girlfriend and i had a little chat last night... she looked at me and said "this is the real deal. I've never felt this way" and she started crying now normally this would be the cue for a guy, ANY GUY, to run for the hills, ESPECIALLY ME, but it made me so fuckin happy.... because she is not an emotional girl... she is not a romantic, or have relationships that are of any substance... and we have been friends for almost two years before we got together... so it's so nice to finally be together... i looked at her and said (i'm so leaving my self open for a massive amount of ridcule, but here it goes) "hanging out with you is like hanging out with my best friend who i 'm extremely attracted to." she is so fucking rad.... funny fun easygoing so cute smart sexy driven ambitious focused people always say that u should be friends with someone before u get into a serious relationship.... like ANYONE actually does this... but we have hopefully that means it will work out well so far its everything its cracked up to be i am happy for the first time.... truly happy jjust at ease comfortable not worried about anything and not worried whether or not i iwll be faithful go ahead star making fun of me i can already feel it coming i dont care if i sound lame i feel lame but its okay i dont need to be cool anymore | | Thursday, September 1st, 2005 | | 3:19 pm |
guess what
i have a girlfriend. her name is jessica... most of you have heard me talk about her at some point we were friends for a long time before anything ever happened, then she moved away for almost a year.... we talked a lot while she was away.... we ended up building a very strong friendship and eventually a relationship. i am really happy. she's sweet, caring, loving, so fucking adorable and sexy.... she's tremendously intelligent and opinionated... she's ambitious and driven... is focused on what she wants to achieve and has her priorities straight. she is passionate, compassionate, and puts me at ease. this feeling i have for her is unlike any other for any other girl i have ever so much as kissed... it is a deeper more profound feeling... one based on mutual respect, admiration, physical, emotional and mental attraction.... it is not obsession. it is based on a strong friendship, based on communication trust and time. i am happy for the first time in a long time. my heart no longer dangles upside down in my chest like a tear drop no longer skips a beat when i see a happy couple in the market my voice no longer lashes at my brother for finding love. and my eyes no longer seek -meek- weak girls to prey on. i am happy with her. i am me with her. just wanted to write it down. i think I've turned a corner | | Monday, August 29th, 2005 | | 12:06 am |
I waited so long to have her in my arms.... to hold her... to just be with her and it's here. and I'm terrified and she's terrified I just hope -that- both of us muster the courage and strength to let it unfold because i really think this could be the best yet. dont let either of us run away out of fear | | Monday, August 22nd, 2005 | | 6:29 pm |
me too
1) Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you. 2) I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you. 3) I'll pick a flavor/color of jello to wrestle with you in. 4) I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me. 5) I'll tell you my first memory of you. 6) I'll tell you what animal you remind me of. 7) I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you. 8) If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. | | 6:22 pm |
top songs that are plauging me...singer/songeriters at the moment twenty one -the red west you're beautiful-james blunt I'm a fake -the used uh... i think it's #2 on rufus w newest record the kill- 30seconds to mars flying my guilt over- jason mraz cheers darling- damien rice | | Thursday, August 4th, 2005 | | 9:00 pm |
| | Monday, July 25th, 2005 | | 5:15 pm |
| | Sunday, July 17th, 2005 | | 10:20 pm |
for j(3)
I cant believe I couldn’t stare At every syllable Sentencing myself To a lifeless monogamy With strippers And dumb blondes And to think I’ve come This far along the road Of seclusion I deluded myself Into thinking That one day You’d wake Spark Erupt in the inferno of revelation And call to tell me You have loved me for years And I pray for this (how sick is that?) Sitting on countless moments of over tipping And overspending And over complimenting pride swallowing nights I pretend your eyelashes are seconds on my pillow And I count every one until I drift and fall into the creek of sleep That visits every few hours Every few days Every few months Until I run out of small follicles of lust Left by another Transformed into you |
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